i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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