new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
