sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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