he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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