is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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