you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
