goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
