the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
