ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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