Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
