We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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