Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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