Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
