just tell him i said nine months
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
