you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
