whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
