I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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