This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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