you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
