i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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