how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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