did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
