Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
