Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive

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  (814): I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive http://tfl.nu/iqgu
  Replies (7) Good night (1978) Bad night (529)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  it was like his penis was on wheels.

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  (479): it was like his penis was on wheels. http://tfl.nu/carq
  Replies (13) Good night (3313) Bad night (1282)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I have so much to learn from you, wise slut

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  (812): Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!" (219): I have so much to learn from you, wise slut http://tfl.nu/eyww
  Replies (20) Good night (3727) Bad night (827)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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  (281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/lbmt
  Replies (43) Good night (6420) Bad night (977)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.

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  (201): The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me. http://tfl.nu/x7ng
  Replies (9) Good night (3480) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.

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  (845): I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News. http://tfl.nu/qk7t
  Replies (86) Good night (4720) Bad night (1062)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.

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  (207): I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/pgeg
  Replies (30) Good night (7071) Bad night (1109)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

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  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2265) Bad night (4963)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.

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  (832): Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen. http://tfl.nu/umfy
  Replies (11) Good night (5120) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.

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  (801): Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day. http://tfl.nu/wa25
  Replies (7) Good night (572) Bad night (1314)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I had him autograph the condom wrapper.

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  (573): I had him autograph the condom wrapper. http://tfl.nu/xdb0
  Replies (8) Good night (1792) Bad night (566)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"

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  (616): He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!" http://tfl.nu/zjl5
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

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  (773): How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess http://tfl.nu/u340
  Replies (7) Good night (399) Bad night (833)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now

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  (613): All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now http://tfl.nu/hqky
  Replies (4) Good night (873) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.

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  (732): I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man. http://tfl.nu/tuk8
  Replies (2) Good night (286) Bad night (499)

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