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what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
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