forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.