hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics