I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...