u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
accomplished twins. life is a go
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube