Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
