First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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