my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
