and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize