He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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