like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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