You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me