Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!

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  (225): Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs! http://tfl.nu/87u7
  Replies (1) Good night (727) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  my head looks like a cockatoo

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

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  (305): my head looks like a cockatoo (1-305): mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom http://tfl.nu/w2nh
  Replies (10) Good night (1137) Bad night (1574)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen

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  (864): I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen http://tfl.nu/n18y
  Replies (34) Good night (6998) Bad night (1591)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?

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  (904): Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care? http://tfl.nu/9o7b
  Replies (25) Good night (4836) Bad night (2629)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.

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  (519): He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride. http://tfl.nu/vs7z
  Replies (8) Good night (1808) Bad night (1257)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Is that even possible?

  (509): View more from Washington

  I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.

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  (509): He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me. (425): Is that even possible? (509): I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/y48j
  Replies (17) Good night (1029) Bad night (2875)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.

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  (440): He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face. http://tfl.nu/bq6r
  Replies (9) Good night (702) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck

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  (708): He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck http://tfl.nu/28kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1416) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.

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  (865): I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday. http://tfl.nu/q5oo
  Replies (0) Good night (753) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths

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  (240): She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths http://tfl.nu/lqw0
  Replies (2) Good night (881) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.

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  (201): Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus. http://tfl.nu/06dr
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.

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  (214): Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars. http://tfl.nu/9ba1
  Replies (2) Good night (367) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?

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  (908): When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants? http://tfl.nu/e2e7
  Replies (1) Good night (548) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised

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  (310): Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised http://tfl.nu/dc6t
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...

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  (760): MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ... http://tfl.nu/ssoj
  Replies (4) Good night (351) Bad night (132)

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