After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.