So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
