I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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