You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
