the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
