and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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