LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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