he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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