let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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