I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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