Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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