I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
