You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
