I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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