she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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