garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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