I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
