planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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