I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
