Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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