this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize