Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
