Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
