I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
