I'm going to jail i love you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
