Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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