this boner is exhausting
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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