I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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