he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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