It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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