so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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