Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
