If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
