your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
