i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
