The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
