i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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