Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
