Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
