What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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