I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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