its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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