haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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