well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
